For a tiny island in the sea, Singapore has no lack of completely insane characters that serve to keep me very entertained on any given day. And championing this brigade of the kooky, are the people I call Taxi Drivers.
On Saturday, I boarded a taxi from town and asked to be taken to the Esplanade with a detour to River Valley. (Digressing, I have yet to meet a taxi driver who knows what the Esplanade is. I always have to say
Liu Lian Ke before I can be safely taken to my destination.) Then the Uncle asked, as they all do, "Go which way?", and I will never understand why they ask this all the time. Am I really expected to say, "Please go down Scotts Road, keep going until you reach Irwell Bank Road, turn into River Valley Road, make a U-turn at the petrol station, and then stop at Jalan Mutiara."? Given my utter inability to tell roads from each other, I usually just say something useless like "The fastest, please". So I said, "The fastest, please", and the fun began.
The uncle, upon receiving my detailed instructions, yelled, "F1 GRAND PRIX, START YOUR ENGINES!!". And the 15 minute journey saw me trying to stare out of the window coolly, while my blood vessels were exploding with laughter. The mad idiot was screaming "VROOM VROOM!!" at the top of his lungs while travelling at 60 kph, and screeching "EEEEEEEE!!!!" when the taxi came to a stop at a traffic junction. All turns were accompanied by enthusiastic yelps of "DRIFT AH!", and a particularly memorable U-turn had him going "HAIRPIN CORNER, FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS!!".
Needless to say, I was very sorry when the ride ended. I handed the uncle 15 dollars for a 12 dollars journey, and told him to keep the change. He then turned around and told me,
Young man, you are a very wonderful person.".
